If you don't have a car in America, you're something of an oddity. Our cities and towns aren't really built for pedestrian living and our nation is so large that getting from A to B can take several hours, even with a car. That means many of us spend a lot of lives in our cars—is it any wonder that we feel a need to personalize our vehicles?
With that in mind, we'd like to share with you the thoughts of some very funny Americans printed on their bumper stickers. Please enjoy them as much as we did!
1. When Life Isn't Fair
"I was an honor student. I don't know what happened."
Did you discover girls? Did you go to your first party? You discovered that nobody cares about school as much as they told you at school they would?
2. It's Not Always About The Children
This is the perfect riposte to the "baby on board" sticker which is just a bit patronizing.
"Yes, I always wanted to drive into the back of another car, but I'll choose someone else because of that sticker." Doesn't seem right, does it?
3. Harnessing The Power Of Being Alone
Introverts. Sooner or later they get over it or they stop going out. This bumper sticker wants to help them do the latter as one
4. How Long Is 40 Days And Nights Exactly?
If the animals went in two by two, it does stand to reason that there might be termites and indeed, woodworm on board the ark. Gulp.
5. The Hillbilly Protection Sticker
There's no doubt that there are people out there who won't buckle up for their own safety, but who have watched enough movies about aliens for this to make sense.
6. Nobody Will Be Robin This
We wonder if this was taken in Gotham City? Probably not. It feels like it belongs in an updated version of the TV series, though.
7. This One Never Gets Old
Amish culture is roughly 300 years old. We imagine this joke will still be viable in another 300 years’ time, too. That's serious comic longevity.
8. Well, Yes, Do Go On...
Not sure why this person feels the need to point this out to the rest of us, but there's something mildly amusing about it all the same.
9. Hello, No, It's NOT You We're Looking For
The Sunshine State appears to be short of a little sunshine in this bumper sticker. It made us laugh but that's because we're not in Disney World at the moment.
10. When You Don't Want To Say Her Name
The race is run and the other guy won, but we do like this convoluted bumper sticker which may explain why the other girl lost.
11. Pointing Out The Obvious
This is great. It's one of those snotty jokes that might leave you a little offended before it makes you laugh out loud. Well played, sir.
12. Jack Black Would Be Proud
This car owner is a huge fan of the band Tenacious D, surely? We think Jack Black and his group would approve of this sticker.
13. The Physical Question Of That Cat
In all probability, this is a joke. If not, Schrodinger's Cat is both alive and not alive at the same time. So surely they may AND may not brake for it?
14. Belaboring The Point
This is witty in a kind of groan-eliciting way. We don't think we'd want the owner to come to our parties, but we might talk about her while we were there.
15. And If You Can't, You Won't Know
It is true that most people can read but shockingly, 14% of the adult population of the USA can't read. They won't care about this sticker though.
Aren't they just brilliant? We hope that you got a great deal of enjoyment out of those bumper stickers.
Be sure to SHARE this with your family and friends!
16. When Every Day Feels Like Monday
We're pretty sure that they're joking when they say, "On my way to work... please kill me." If not, they need a different job.
17. Too Close For Comfort
"Back off, I'm not that kind of car." It's a direct statement that you're driving too close with a humorous twist. Now, let's hope people don't crash into you while they laugh.
18. Smugly Self-Assured
"Jesus Loves You, But I'm His Favorite." This is very funny and we're sure that the Lord would forgive this car owner for making people smile.
19. A Not Too Subtle Hint
"If this sticker is blue, then you are driving too fast." We draw your attention to the "American Physical Society" that's the kicker to this wisecrack.
20. An Entreaty To Be Smarter
Reaching out to people at 60 miles an hour to "Give your mind a workout, play chess," seems oddly optimistic, but we like it anyway.
21. When Spelling Doesn't Count
Dyslexia is a learning disorder which affects the ability to order letters in sequence in the brain; it also stops people from spelling properly. Thus, "Dislexics are teople poo" works very well, indeed.
22. The Zombie Hordes Are Here
We're not sure what kind of driver boasts that "we ate your stick family" but we hope they're only out on Halloween. Spooky stuff.
23. It's A Fair Cop
This driver clearly knows him or herself only too well. "If you can read this... you are probably pulling me over." Better to slow down than this sticker, we think.
24. The Coolest Car Sticker
Being in a band is cool, right? Then"Like most musicians, you are following a bass player," makes you cool - even if you aren't in a band. Awesome.
25. Cutting Corporations To The Quick
"I'll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one." We laughed and nodded at the same time. Genius.
Be sure to SHARE this with your family and friends!