Categories: Funny
Tags: ask reddit, askreddit, eavesdropping, overheard, reddit

We all do it. I mean, it’s not always on purpose, but we inevitably hear other people’s conversations. Sometimes it’s hard not to listen.

These 11 folks told reddit about the strangest conversations they’ve overheard:

1. I’d want to know too

Not something I heard, but what someone eavesdropped on me.

I used to work at a restaurant, and every member of the kitchen staff was Indian, and didn’t speak english very well. There was one white guy that worked there, and for whatever reason, they all called him “Ding-Ding”.

White guy was having a birthday party, and invited us all.

One of the Indian guys, and myself were standing outside the restaurant smoking, and the Indian guy says to me *Indian accent* “Hey man, you going to ding ding party?”

A guy walking by us stopped, and said “I’m sorry, I just over heard you guys, and I have to know what a ding ding party is?”

I couldn’t stop laughing, and eventually told him what it was.

2. It happens to the best of us

I was on the train listening to a woman yell on the phone that she wouldn’t be able to make it to her dentist appointment because she had left her teeth at home.

3. Sad coffee

I was once in a Starbucks in Boston and witnessed a break-up which was immediately followed a failed proposal attempt. It was the craziest thing. The dude was very into her and her body language did not reply in a copacetic manner. He confessed his love to her, she replied that it wasn’t gonna work and she might need some time.

He replied, “We have the rest of our lives to figure it out, so you have time.”

He got down on a knee pulled out a ring.

She stood up and said “ this is what I am talking about! You don’t listen.”

She asked him to stand up. He said with tears in his eyes, “Why? I am still waiting for an answer.”

She gathered her things and then left out the back.

The man sat back down and finished his Frappuccino while crying. I refer to the story as the “Saddest Cold Coffee Beverage Ever”

4. Good teacher instincts

I’ve told this before, but whatever.

Two of my students were talking about this guy texting one of the girls, saying they think he’s texting her to get to her friend who recently got her phone taken away.

I chalk it up to middle school drama, day goes on.

Later I hear the girl who had her phone taken away say “I think I’m scarred. ” and something didn’t sit right with me about it. I circled back and was like “Hey kid, need to talk to me about anything?” She mulled out over for a bit and asked for a private convo.

Turns out this guy had sent a third girl a dick pic, and oh yeah he’s not a guy their age, it’s their teacher for an out of school extra curricular.

That was not a fun day.

5. Are there hitman conventions?

I overheard two guys on the subway in NYC discussing what was the perfect handgun caliber to whack someone.

There was a small dude who was adamant that the best gun was a 9mm because that’s what cops use. Then the big dude starts shaking his head negatively, goes on to give a small speech about anatomy & ballistics, then proceeds to state that a competent assassin would use a mere .22 handgun, since it’s hard to track, ammo is cheap and you can magdump someone in the head without anyone knowing it’s gunfire.

I think those guys were on their way to the Hitman convention.

6. The great debate

A few kids were debating on what happened to the poop after you flushed it on the train. One believed it exploded on impact with the rails, another debated the possibility of it being shot out of the side like a cannon, and another knew it was used to fuel the train.

7. Secret love

I was eating beside two older gentlemen at a bar, and I hear one of them say something like,

“That stupid cat follows me everywhere. I’ve told my granddaughter to keep it away from me, but everyone thinks its funny! I can’t get away from it!”

There’s silence between the two, and then the second older man laughs, “You secretly love that little hairball, don’t you?”

The guy lets out a giant, irritated sigh and sullenly admits. “Yes.”

8. Fun apartment building

I once sat on my balcony (3rd floor) at 2am to listen to a guy (ground level) who discovered his girlfriend was cheating on him (4th floor). He climbed a tree and saw her topless with a guy with her light on. I opened a beer and took a seat.

“You said you were studying. You don’t study with your shirt off!!”

9. This one’s just cute

Black family in the Christmas decorations aisle:

~3 Year Old: Dad! Can we get a white man for Christmas?

Shocked Dad: What?!?

~3 Year Old: A white man! points at shelf

Shocked Dad: looks where son is pointing and laughs No no son, that’s called a SNOW man.

10. Oh, that kid

I was in line for a rollercoaster years ago when I overheard a 12 year old and her even younger sister talking to 2 nice strangers, all standing in line behind me.

The 12-year-old was talking about how she lives on a farm with her grandparents, her little sister and her newborn kid. She goes on and on about her young kid, and how her grandparents home school her so she has time to her raise and take care of her kid and how her little sister is helping too. She goes on to describe how little and precious and sweet her kid is and how much she loves her.

I spent the entire time in line stunned and speechless and impressed by how engaged and unbothered the two strangers were during the whole conversation (ie asking to see pictures etc.)

It wasn’t until we got to the front of the line that I realized she meant kid…. as in a baby goat.

11. Sometimes you wish you had heard the whole story

Didn’t hear the full conversation but I walked in on two employees at a convenience store with the conversation ending with the phrase “…and that’s when we hid the clams.”

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